Someone said, you carry first impressions for the rest of your life. I sure hope so. The other day I took a post Christmas eve morning stroll down to my ocean. It truly is stunning this time of year. Given to me as a gift, I first gazed at it’s horizon and stood on it’s shoreline being all…about some years old give or take. And given my tender age, remarkably, I still recall. Shortly after that reality bending life moment, I gracefully mounted my huge inflatable dolphin, rode it out to sea in a pirate kind of way, and initiated a pre emptive attack on my parents, kindly letting them know an ice cream was due as soon as we returned to dry land. It was summer. The ice cream tasted of pear and my blanket was soft and velvety.
It’s one of the few constants in my life, my ocean. And in this case, first impressions do last.
I’ve been standing there ever since I think. I don’t think I ever left. Parts did. My wardrobe in Stockholm to my size and taste would suggest so. Once in a while, I return to the shore to find myself a little. Especially around Christmas, it’s a warm reunion in the cold winter wind, sweeping the beaches clean of clutter. Leaving tough, dark and dried up seaweed to add contrast to any keen iPhone photographer. The only thing changing is the length of the shadow I cast on the dunes, and the size footprint I leave. Different year, different shoes. Other then that, it’s identical. Together with other life moments like love, music, Christmas, and now 11…why, these are a few of my favorite things, as the song goes. And I love that song. Sure, if you wanna nitpick and go into detail, Christmas for one, can be a demanding mistress. But over all, it’s a wonderful and cunning invention. They say in love and war. I say, in love, in war and at Christmas time. Normal rules just don’t apply. Take Santa for an example. Explain that in a state fashion. Normal rules don’t apply. My dear ocean, with you, I’m forever too young to spend a lifetime together. But I’ll come back and see you from time to time.
But 11, that’s what we’re here to discuss. A year has come to an end and it needs to be reflected upon, upover, upunder and from the slightly left in a very non political way.
Captains personal blog 2011.
You couldn’t squeeze an atom between me and 11. Every second, minute, hour of every day. At the side of outburst of laughter, creativity and anger. Through complete heartache. When bored silly nilly, ecstatic, deeply moved and deeply thankful. Wading through the shallows. Always there in challenges and living adventures, dramas, shopping, tv shows, illusions and ghosts. This whole year, 11, you’ve been there. Like that song by The Police. You my friend (11, not Sting), displayed great depth and headroom (although Sting did that too probably, still talking about 11). Good boy. Now sit.
When I was embedded in stage lights, devoured by shadows or in deep conversation with some of the most amazing people I ever had the pleasure being in the presence of, present company included. When alone in front of the old computer, typing endless lines of lyrics. Or writing diary as those two seem to overlap. The line between the two is a dot to me. You did good 11. Good boy. Now sit.
Ten thousand meters up in the sky, all over Europe, to the bottom of a swimming pool, exhaling and meditatively sinking, watching the sun rays pierce the surface whilst spinning and getting that good dizziness. 11, hope you enjoyed the ride from the top of an alp down, down we went, to the studio in front of a microphone expressing with a burning need what was to be expressed through music. Painting the most dramatic, historical pictures to get the most out of a vocal take. At times absolutely overwhelming me. 11, we did all that. In front of many, in front of no one. Through doubt, nerves, heart glow and a wedding. When I believed in promises. When I had word of good news. When life totally changed. When love was described to me as “the desperate need for the other one to be happy”, expressed by the Lama. 11. Really. Good boy. Now sit.
11, my answer is a no. I will not miss you. But I’ll keep you for always. I’ll save what fragments I find lying around and keep them in my heart box. In a warm embrace of nostalgia and remembrance. You were so very, very important. Good boy. Now sit.
11, I can’t recall a year as wild as you. As unexpected. As opposed to escapism as can be. You were pretty damn head on! I believe I pretty much sensed every bit of you. I’m a bit of a daydreamer. But sometimes you were unavoidable for days at a time. You sure worked hard to make your presence noticed too. Really shaking me like a rag doll…at times. You were hellfire too. Brimstone and melting lava. You we’re as close to absolute heaven I’ve ever been. In the good way. Spiritual, opening windows I did not know existed. I can’t recall a year as wild as you. What a good boy 11. Now sit.
11, you took away some things but replaced them when I least expected, with hope and love. You dragged me as far as possible from some people, and as close as possible to others to whom I’m forever grateful. For my sake, in the name of hope, growth and change. In so many ways, you saved me. Hope. Bob Hope once said, “A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it”. Good boy, now sit.
Though I walked through the valley of you, I feared nothing. I was braver then I’ve ever been. Even in moments of absolute silence and stillness. You gave me music, and music…gave me adventures. There were many of them. The best moments. And 11, when they happened, I was there to feel it. It was overwhelming. Bigger then me. 11, you brought moments that totally changed everything. Life moments. Click. You made me pretty damn honest. How very good of you boy. Now sit.
You’re so 365…11. And that’s ok. That’s a sufficient number. Well done. Good boy. Now sit.
Thousands of people. Vacuum-people. Ukraine, Russia, Ibiza, Norway, Germany, Bulgaria, Denmark, Holland, Italy, Austria…I loved it all 11. Thank you. I can not believe I sat, just a few months ago, speaking with a movie producer who actually knew Audrey Hepburn. I miss her. Can we get some of those amazing people back in 12 please? Those great ones who keep silent in this loud world we live in. The ones that don’t scream. The ones who don’t need Power Point to get a message across. You know the ones. 11, before you go, have a talk with 12. Sort that out please. Good boy. Now sit.
Now, You’re historical, mythical and Yesterday by John Lennon. and I’ll love you like that. I’ll love you for what you were. You’ll never have to change. I will never ask you too. And I’ll keep you. I’ll keep you in my heart box. Thank you. Good boy. Now rest.
Stay kind & Happy New Year,